How? It's the Most Important Question

How? It seems to me, as I work through challenges with business clients trying to grow their businesses or just trying to grow and improve my own life, that the question "how" is the most critical. How can we? How did they? How would that work? How does that help? It is a question that involves finding possibilities and also critical assessment. It creates opportunity and possibility but also questions the status quo. I think I ask "how?" often enough that it is likely a headache for clients and my girlfriend alike.

Ask yourself, do I typically start conversations about big plans, dreams or ambitions with "Well, I can't..."? If so, you're dead in the water before you even start the conversation. I have found with clients that creating the HABIT of asking how, creates the answers of possibilities. If you ask the right question, your subconscious will find you an answer. Ask, "why can't I stay away from sweets?" and your subconscious will answer the question for you with all sorts of reasonable obstacles. Ask the question, "how can I stay away from sweets?" and now you are in the mode of finding solutions. Can you see the difference in your mindset with such a simple change of question?

All great technological breakthroughs have always started with a how question. Sir Richard Branson, the owner of Virgin Airlines, Records, Virgin Music Stores, etc, always has asked the questions - Why not? and How? Seems to have worked reasonably well for him.

One of my favorite quotes is from Thoreau - Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. It is only possible to pursue this idyllic life if you are starting everyday and meeting every challenge with the question of How? Make it your new favorite and see how it changes your approach, your mindset and your results.

Stress and the Center of the Storm

If you ask me, I am tremendous at dealing with stress. If you ask my family, friends, employees, I could always be better. I claim, "I have a lot more going on than the average person and therefore more stress to deal with. So actually I do a great job, considering the volume." Rationalize it any way I like, stress is something that challenges me every day.

One of the great pieces of advice that has changed my perspective - and also my coping skills - is that stress is something that I create. I hate to hear this because it's nice to lay blame on someone or something outside of me. But really, stress is my reaction and my decision. When I remember that I am the one who decides if traffic is worth getting worked up about, I generally decide, no. No thank you.

Secondly, I had a great addition to this. A friend of mine said that with all the projects, businesses, and little issues I always have going, my life could easily seem like a hurricane at times. I said, yes, yes, that's me!!! My friend went on to say that I needed to remember that I am the center or eye of the storm, not the storm itself. While all those stresses and issues whirl around me, I remain still, strong and relaxed in the calm of the storm's eye. I love this image of all my life whirling and swirling around me, yet I am calm, relaxed and great in the middle.

When I take these two ideas to heart each day, I am more relaxed. My challenges become easier and I am happier. I have also adopted the idea of a timeout for me once in a while. Sometimes thinking of a storm around me doesn't stop the winds, so I have started timeouts. They could be a quick walk, a workout, a call to my grandfather, a book for 15 mins - anything to center me again.

In the grand scheme of things, I am good no matter what happens in my schedule, my businesses or my career. Why do I invite and allow stress in the door?! Well, I couldn't find a good reason so my decision was to stop. And I have ... mostly. Everything is a work in progress.

Wow! Can that guy sing!

I was sitting in traffic the other day. It was so nice out I opened up the sunroof. I was in the middle lane as I pulled up to a red light. Out of the fresh air from above came the quiet sound of music. I figured it was someone's loud radio but as it got louder, and more disturbing, a car pulled up on my left. I realized with a quick glance over, it was the driver singing.

This guy wasn't just humming along, he was singing loud enough to Ruby Tuesday (that I know the song) that as I turned away slightly embarassed, I made eye contact with the guy on the other side of me who could also hear this guy singing. We smirked at each other and I went back to look at the automotive Pavarotti. He continued to tap on the wheel and drowned out the radio.

Don't get me wrong this guy was no tenor. He was awful! He could have been on the American Idol blooper segment. But he didn't care. In his own little world he was a rock star belting out a fantastic rendition the Beatles would have been proud of.

He clearly understood an important principle: What other people THINK is never as important as how you FEEL. He didn't hurt anyone, he was having a great time and he slowly swayed at least two other drivers to smile (and one to turn up his own radio).